Black Tuesday

Since you all didn’t listen to me to vote for Republicans, November 7^th will be remembered as ‘Black Tuesday’. However, I have the scoop about the jobs these people out of office, or now ineffective in it, will be doing:

Donald Rumsfeld: Has been given an advance of $1.2 million to write a murdered mystery: “The Fog of Baghdad”

George Allen: Has given up plans to run for President in 2008. Instead, he is being sent by the Wrong Wing Christian Collusion, Inc. to Africa. He will conduct research on monkeys (macacas) to prove that humans did not descend from them.

Michael Steele: will volunteer his work as a Big Brother to inner-city children. He wants to atone being in the wrong party.

Lincoln Chafee: Will join and run for election in the AFL-CIO.

Mark Foley: has announced that he’ll pen a book, which will be about 400 pages. He is not sure how long the book will be.

The Rev. Ted Haggard: has applied to a train as a masseuse at the Community College in San Francisco, CA

Ken Mehlman: plans to buy and manage an olive farm in California.

Dick Cheney: has decided to give up hunting and enter rehab.

John Bolton: Anticipating he’ll not be in the UN much longer, he has been thinking of making use of his mustache to be a lead star in the porn film industry. He has also been contemplating doing ‘Got Milk’ commercials.

Carl Rove: will be assuming the post of a Professor in the Department of American History at the Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, OK

Biggest “What if” of the campaign: If Harold Ford Jr. had said that he is gay, would the Playboy Club ad have had any effect on his lead and could he have won?

Other developments:

In his speech on Wednesday, Mr. Bush said that he is not going to abandon his principal. Carl Rove and Dick Cheney breathed a sigh of relief.

The Justice Department is going through the Constitution to see if it is possible that Bush 41 can take Bush 43^rd’s place for the next two years. The senior Bush may have to have a legal name change where he will drop the “Herbert” from his middle names.

It is said that friends are always supportive, but if an enemy praises you, you have really done something good. Last Wednesday, Mr. Al-Masri, the Chief of Al-Qaeda operations in Iraq, congratulated the American voters for making the right choice. He indicated that he too wants a change in Iraq policy, and help us cut and run.

Germany's top prosecutor will seek a criminal investigation and prosecution of Rumsfeld and others, for their alleged roles in abuses committed at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison and at Gitmo. He has assured the plaintiffs that judge presiding over the trial will be the same one who tried Saddam.

Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi is hiring Martha Stewart as her Chief of Staff to help her clean the House.

Howard Dean has called Bush to borrow the “Mission Accomplished” banner.

Vladimir Putin has announced that he will step down in 2008. A top-secret Republican committee is flying to Moscow to recruit him to run for President of USA that year. They are convinced that he shares their values more than any other 2008 presidential prospects: he is tough on terror, doesn’t care about civil liberties or the Geneva Convention, has dealt with prisons that are worse than Abu Ghraib and Gitmo, believes in an absolute authority of the Executive branch, and always had a vision to turn all of America ‘RED’.

Politics makes strange bedfellows: Mark Foley

First Foley, then Haggard, lost their poise
Lost in the ruckus and all that noise
The party grand old
Should have told
They’re good ol’ boys after good young boys!

Another Republican said something sublime
But his Party has lost that paradigm
It was his view
Which is so true
That you can’t fool everyone all the time.

The Reps have lost their moral grace
In House and Senate could lose their place
Will Rove the prick
Along with Dick
Then shoot each other in the face?

But now the Dems are so confused
To deal with the issue so far refused
To be honor bound
On moral high ground
And the Christian Right is not amused.

BEWARE: The Terrorists are Coming?

11 reasons why you should vote for Republicans this election

If Democrats win, the terrorists win. President Bush is correct. VP Cheney has illustrated how the terrorists are trying to influence the outcome of these mid-terms; they have made sure that October has the highest deaths of US soldiers ever. The terrorists do want the lily-livered Dems to win. I’m sure that if the Republicans keep their legislative majority, there will be investigations and hearings on which Democratic candidates the terrorists supported.

The Democrats will ‘cut-and-run’. It is important we stay the course in Iraq, and be there until it is either converted to a model democracy in the Middle East or is divided into three parts: the Kurdish North, the Sunni Middle and the Shia South. Surely no one other than us Americans can ensure this. If Democrats win, the terrorists win.

Republicans have ensured safety of the Homeland. Remember, this is not the Communist ‘Motherland’ or the Nazi ‘Fatherland’; it is the American ‘Homeland’. Republicans have a lock on containing catastrophes: there has been no terrorist attack since 9/11, or a devastating hurricane since Katrina. If Democrats win, the terrorists win.

Democrats have no respect for the Armed Forces. This is exemplified by comments of the Swift Boat veteran, John Kerry. President Bush has correctly stated that words have consequences. Who should know better than him; his challenge to the Iraqis – “Bring it on” – intensified violence against US troops. If Democrats win, the terrorists win.

The DOW’s slipping already. Just on the possibility that the Democracts may control the House and the Senate, the DOW has started it’s downward plunge, going below 12,000. This was a number the President had worked so hard to achieve by giving ample tax-cuts to investors, reducing their capital-gains tax, promising to eliminate the ‘death-tax’, and keeping the minimum wage low. If this is a sign of things to come, the DOW may go back below 11,000 if the Democrats win. If Democrats win, the terrorists win.

Democrats like immigrants. Especially the illegal kind. If they win, they would increase the quota of legal immigration, and will have a accelerated path to citizenship for illegals. The more ‘brown’ the country becomes, the more is the loss of the American way of life. And many immigrants could be terrorists. If Democrats win, the terrorists win.

Democrats will raise your taxes. They could roll back the tax-cut scheduled to expire in 2010. They will hurt people with money first, who would not then be able to trickle down their wealth to poorer people. Everyone will eventually lose. If Democrats win, the terrorists win.

Democrats will increase the minimum wage. This will hurt Business, and increase unemployment. Businessmen will have less free money to invest, which will bring the DOW down and to spend on their fringe benefits, which will slow the economy. In addition, they will be forced to hire more illegals, which will compound the immigration problem. If Democrats win, the terrorists win.

Immorality will be back. The Republicans, with the help of the Christian Right, have ensured that Washington is a moral city. Mark Foley was immediately dismissed from the party once the public found out about his misdeeds. If Democrats win, the terrorists win.

Corruption will be back. Republicans have little tolerance for people like Jack Abranoff and Tom DeLay. They are jailbirds now and the remaining Republicans are clean. In contrast, Democrats are the masters of corruption; none of their corrupt people are in jail. If Democrats win, the terrorists win.

Gays will be able to marry. The Democrats will pass laws that will make gay marriage acceptable, and the activist judges will uphold them. Gays will then be able to marry, divorce, re-marry, divorce again, re-marry and have children. A child born of a gay union will be gay; soon we will have gays running the place, taking over the American lay of wife. If Democrats win, the terrorists win.